More Critiques Father Paschal's Critiques Poem #2 Ghost Trapped in a Glass by Natash O’Hara Dear Natasa, I am fascinated by realizing the depths of your poem and reflecting on the images you have used in it. Such as Loving Divine Father Vs. Sinful children, mother, pride, and crucifixion. I like the first and the last lines of the poem. However, this poem speaks about the darkest things of human life that are crucified. You did a great job. Peace. Fr. Paschal ---------------- Poem#2 Ancestral Heat by Jessica Kado Dear Kado, You have written a fabulous poem that led me to think about many things in my family when I read your poem. However, I like the repetition of the word “laughing” in the second paragraph. It gives me great thoughts about the imagination of my childhood. Moreover, your use of solid metaphors in the seventh and eighth stanzas, such as volcanic bubbling lava mountain, reveals many untold stories of the ancestors or family. Furthermore, I lik...
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Poems by Matelyn, Alicia, Shannon, Amanda, Mariah Critiques (new) by Madi (Thanks for sending these) Mariah’s “Half Lives, Little Deaths” The title hooked me right away. It immediately clues us into themes of mortality and reminds me of learning about half-lives in high school science classes. The opening line, “Until Deliverance,” suggests a religious element as well. I really enjoyed the different ways you were able to identify death in the world around us: “Every atom is a little death,” “My first death / was a velvet-white rabbit / stuffed with cotton.” The language of the first stanza felt very lavish but not patronizing despite the talk of death. I quite enjoyed the tonal shift in the second stanza with “I read somewhere…”. To me, it sort of connects more with the speaker. I also loved the final standalone line: “One bright leaf, photosynthesizing. ” The italics really add to that hopeful idea of life persisting amidst death. Amanda’s “Full” This poem has such a sweet begin...
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Critiques on poems by Des, Quinn, Natasha (poem 2) Mariah's Critiques Poem 2, Des The tone of this poem is so lovingly gentle, tender—soft. Your poem is, I think, a somewhat transparent poem about personal identity and learning to deal with and accept pain. But that transparency in no way detracts from the beauty of your language or the (almost contradictory) gentle forcefulness of your tone. There is an impeccable diction here, down to each word choice and punctuation (in so many places, but particularly strong in the beginning at “tragedy// here, only two faces, both false.” or in “when they fall,// they shatter together, perfectly.”) That same care is visible in the stand alone- sentence “This is the truth,” which seems to be a brave declaration to the reader that the whole poem is speaking the subject’s truth, is telling their story. Truly beautiful writing. My one wish is that instead of naming “Ancient Japanese art” in a nondescript way, the poem named the technique (I think ...